NBA Eastern Conference Preview

Do I think anyone reads my blog? No.
Do I think that anyone who does would care about basketball? Also no.
Am I writing it anyway? Fuck yes. This is my blog for writing when I can't sleep. So fuck you.

Anyway...

This is looking like the most exciting NBA season in a long time, and it comes with a lot of questions. Will the Heat mesh? Are the Celtics too old? Can Dwight Howard develop a goddamn offensive game? Can any of these teams beat the Lakers? Well, here we go. Rankings based on how good I think the team is, not regular season record.

1. Boston Celtics
They will coast through the regular season again and still finish 3rd in the east. The addition of 14 feet worth of O'Neals gives them crazy depth in the paint, which happens to be exactly where the Heat are weakest and where a team needs depth (read: fouls to give) to beat the Magic. Shit, it's like they planned it.

2. Orlando Magic
Dwight Howard is the best defensive player in the NBA. No question. But Orlando lives and dies with his offensive ability. If his summer with Hakeem worked, he is the MVP and the Magic make the finals. If not, they lose to the Celtics in the playoffs.

3. Miami Heat
I'm not ready to crown them quite yet. They are, obviously, incredibly talented. But they are weak at point guard and center. LeBron could completely nullify the weakness at the point, but what the hell are they gonna do about Dwight Howard and the 17 big men in Boston?
That said, if LeBron can go for 22/10/12 and Wade can score down the stretch, this team is terrifying.

4. Chicago Bulls
The Bulls had the best offseason outside of Miami. With Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, and Carlos Boozer this team will crush the dregs of the east, which includes most of their division (I'm gonna say something along the lines of 100 wins combined for the Pacers, Pistons and Cavs). But thats about it. Shrug.

5. Milwaukee Bucks
Good young team that's only going to get better. Bogut and Jennings look to be both the present and the future of this franchise, and I have been consistently impressed with John Salmons.

6. New York Knicks
They'll score in bunches and make the playoffs, but unless they manage to acquire Carmelo Anthony I can't really see them making much noise once they get there. Felton led the Bobcats to the playoffs last year, and the new look Knicks are better than than that.

7. Washington Wizards
Because John Wall looks like the fastest player since Allen Iverson and will lead the league in steals. Because Wall, Arenas, and Heinrich are going to be the hardest trio to guard outside of Miami. Because Gilbert can finally just be a scorer. Because JaVale McGee has 4 capital letters in his name (and is a pretty good inside presence along with Andray Blatche). Because I'm a total homer.

8. Atlanta Hawks
Hey look, the exact same team as last year.

9. Philadelphia 76ers
Can Elton Brand possibly be that bad? I think Evan Turner will be better than he's showed so far and Andre Iguodola will continue to careen around the court and make hustle plays. The Sixers have a lot of good young players but they're still a while away.

10. I don't know, Nets?
They got better I guess, and they were already better than 12 wins...

11. Charlotte Bobcats
Ray Felton and Tyson Chandler can lead this team back to the playoffs. Oh wait.

12. Indiana Pacers
One of the teams I'm least likely to watch this year.

13. Detroit Pistons
Will trade Tayshaun Prince or Rip Hamilton to a contender sometime this year. Maybe both.

14. Cleveland Cavaliers
I feel like there's someone missing here. I will always love Antawn Jamison. JJ Hickson could turn into a good player. Ummmmm, shit. Sorry Cleveland. Atleast you're not in Toronto.

1,273. Toronto Raptors
Ranking reflects the number of college, Euroleague, and hockey teams better than the Raptors. Atleast you're not in Seattle.